Natalie: Adoptee Story

Thank you for taking the time to watch Natalie’s story.
Her reflections offer a meaningful perspective on adoption and identity. For those who’d like to revisit or read through her words, the full transcript follows below.

I am Natalie and I was placed for adoption when I was a month old. I was born in Oregon and then flew out here a month old and was placed in a family here in Utah. Adoption has affected my life, obviously it’s changed my life.

I can’t know for sure if my life would have been better or if it would have been worse, but I do know that I was raised in a home that I didn’t have to go back and forth. I know if I had stayed with my biological family, I would have had to go stay with my mom and then stay with my father because they didn’t stay together, they actually lived in different states and so I think spending my whole life going back and forth would have been a little more difficult. I also know that it was a benefit for, it was a good start for me and it was a good start for my biological parents.

(1:03) My birth mom and my birth father both remarried to different people and raised a family and had kids. They both finished their college degrees, they had me when they were in college and so I feel like it gave us all a good start. In being adopted, my feelings about it has definitely evolved.

(1:26) It’s gone up and down, there’s been times in my life where I have not wanted to be an adopted person and then there’s been times in my life where I’ve really felt grateful and so blessed to be able to be an adopted person. When I say I’m grateful, I’m grateful to both my birth parents and my adoptive parents and I’m grateful that my birth mom gave me life.  I’m grateful for both my birth mom and my birth father and grateful that they looked at all of their options in deciding how best to move forward.

(1:59) They looked at parenting, co-parenting and single parenting. They looked at marriage and abortion and adoption and they just, they looked at every option before they decided how they wanted to move forward. And I know, I have met my birth parents and I know they’ve told me how painful that decision was for them and my birth father’s told me the times that he’s spent crying after signing the relinquishment papers and I know it wasn’t an easy decision but I do know that they placed me for adoption because they wanted me to have a good, strong start and they wanted me to have more.

(2:35) And the sacrifice that they made to place me for adoption that caused them pain was all for me. So how do I feel about being placed for adoption? I definitely feel really blessed and special that someone would go through so much pain and sacrifice just so I could have a better start. So if I could wave a wand and change one thing, I would like to have an open adoption if possible growing up.

(3:08) And I know that 99% of the adoptions now are all open but back 30 years ago they were all closed. So growing up I always wanted to know, see someone that looked like me or I wanted to know some of my mannerisms, where I got them and I wanted to know if I could have an open I wanted to know my story from my birth parents perspective and my mom and dad did their absolute best to tell me my story and what my start was but without knowing who my biological family was it made it hard. So in finding my birth family that has been so, the adoption void or the void there in relation to adoption has totally gone away and I have no unanswered questions.

(4:02) So as I said I kind of evolved in if I liked being an adopted person or not but now having an open adoption I feel more at peace.  So the relationship with my birth mom and my birth father is different for both of them.  I contacted my birth mother like 8 or 9 years ago but she said that she didn’t want to have an open relationship.

(4:28) She didn’t want to share her story which was painful at the time but so we just exchanged a few letters and I let her know that I was grateful for the sacrifice that she made and if she ever wanted to have a relationship then I would be open to it. My relationship with my birth dad is wonderful. He’s been a really great friend to me, welcomed me with open arms.

(4:53) I found him through AncestryDNA and he kind of asked me what took you so long to find me and he’s been so great with my family and with me and he’s answered all the questions that I have. We have a lot of mannerisms and a lot of facial features that are similar which has been really great to be able to have that connection finally 30 years later and he’s been a really great friend to me so it’s been wonderful to have an open adoption with him.