Jenny: Adopting infants vs adopting older kids

In this video, Jenny, a birth mother, compares the experience of adopting an infant versus an older child, sharing her personal insights.

Transcript below:

So, I have experienced children placed into my home, both at birth and then at a little bit older through foster care. And I myself found that I had a different level of attachment, at least initially, with children that came into my home a little bit older. And I would say that this is primarily due to the fact that when you have an infant, you are up in the night with them, you’re holding them, you’re cuddling them, and then as you, you know, help them to learn how to walk, there’s all these happy moments, there’s clapping and enjoying.

(0:31) And even with a baby that may cry a lot, you still have a lot of bonding and attachment stuff. But when you have a six-year-old walk into your home, you’ve missed out on a lot. And as an adoptive parent, I found a lot of guilt when I realized that I didn’t have as strong of an attachment to this older child coming into my home.

(0:49) And I felt the difference, and I was very frustrated by that. What we did for our family, we did some family therapy. I did some individual therapy with this older individual in order for me to be able to feel the attachment that I wanted to feel with this child.

(1:02) I wanted to feel the same level of attachment with this child, this older child, as I did with the infants that had grown up in my home. And I found that it’s possible, and we got to that level. It just took some time.